But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
