You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize