my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drunk is not a location!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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