Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
pray to the hookup gods
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
