party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
