Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
