And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
