is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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