I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
