Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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