....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
