Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
