No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
then he tried to convert me to islam
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
