don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
