I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
