I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
