My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
