my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
