areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
