mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
