I want to stick my p in your. b.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
