I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
