please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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