i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
