Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we made out on top of his cat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
