I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
