how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
