Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
