so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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