How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
