she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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