Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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