He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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