You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
