She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
