I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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