You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
