I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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