you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
