yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize