Can Purell be used as lube?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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