I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize