$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
