She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
