I wish I only lived at night.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
