Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
