so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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