She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
