so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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