He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
