Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize