I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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