Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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