it hurts more in the daytime
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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