i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
