when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize