I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
