So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Buhtt sex?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
