May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
