I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
