apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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