she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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