Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize