Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
