I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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