She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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