I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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