Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
