I think scott just propositioned me for sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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