is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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