We're like a lot better than the average bears
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
