oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
