Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
MIDGETS
????
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
