Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it glows. i had to have it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize