i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
