btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize