She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
