i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
