Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
