You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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