Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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