I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
