and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
