there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't think brook has ever known best
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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