Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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