Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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