I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
