So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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