I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
